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  • 30 questions about money you should ask your partner

    30 questions about money you should ask your partner.

    Disagreements over money are usually cited as one of the top three reasons most couples divorce (communication and sex are the other two). I couldn’t think of many things potentially more frustrating than if my partner kept putting us into debt when I desired to live modestly and have an early retirement. How each of you view money will be a very, very important part of your relationship. For some people spending money is an addiction or compulsion.

    1. Have you ever saved for a major expense or purchase or have you always put it on credit?
    2. Do you get stressed out when finances are really tight? 
    3. If I thought we needed help keeping our finances under control and suggested a “debt counselor” would you go with me?
    4. What is the minimum amount you think you could spend on a wedding and be happy with it?
    5. If you were single and quite wealthy, how would you weed out the "gold diggers"?
    6. How much debt do you think a couple should shoulder themselves with the first year or two of marriage given that financial problems early in a marriage is one of the leading causes of divorce? 
    7. Do you think you could function without a credit card? Have you ever tried?
    8. What do you put on your credit cards? 
    9. Do you think our family has the right to know your financial affairs (whether you are rich or deep in debt)? What would you tell them if they asked how much money you and your spouse make or how much money you have in the bank? 
    10. Do you have the self-control to only spend each month what you can pay off? Or do you always carry balances on your credit cards? 
    11. Do you think we should keep our money in joint or individual accounts? Why? 
    12. How do we decide how to spend our money? Do we have free reign to spend whatever we want as long as it is "my money" or is there an amount (£100, £500, £5,000) at which we need to discuss before making a purchase? 
    13. Do you think it is wise to lend significant amounts of money to boyfriends/girlfriends? Could it cloud the relationship? 
    14. Do you think you have ever been "used" for money? 
    15. Do you often feel that your partner doesn't respect your hard earned income by the way they spend it? 
    16. Which of us has the best skills at paying the bills and keeping track of our expenses? Which of us has the best skills for investing our money?
    17. Do you tend to buy luxury items or are you frugal with your money? 
    18. Look in your wallet. How many credit cards do you have? Do you need that many?
    19. Would you rather live modestly and retire modestly at 50 or would you rather live more extravagantly and retire modestly at 65? 
    20. Have you ever gotten a second job to help pay for your nonessential purchases? 
    21. Do you currently have a will? If not, why? 
    22. If you got into financial difficulties, what would you try to do to get out of it? 
    23. If you were married and inherited £200,000, how would you decide what to do with the money? Would your spouse have any input? What would you want to do if your spouse inherited the money? 
    24. Do you think your partner mismanages their money? 
    25. How much do you owe on all your credit cards? All other loans? 
    26. If you married someone who had a lot of debt and bills, how would you feel about helping your mate pay them off? 
    27. Have you ever filed for bankruptcy? 
    28. Have you ever made a loan to someone of a large sum of money? Would you do it again? 
    29. Have you ever dated someone just because they had (or you thought they had) money? 
    30. Do you think life insurance is a wise "investment"?
    31. What do you think would be fair terms in the agreement? When men and women are dating, who do you think should pay for the date? Whoever arranged the date? Whoever make. 

     

     

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  • Every failure carries with it the seed of an equal or greater success.

    Every failure carries with it the seed of an equal or greater success.

    Have you ever seen a child learn to ride a bike, or a baby learn to walk? They stumble and fall numerous times before getting it right.  Mistakes are learning opportunities.  It takes failure after failure to create success.  Believe you can and you are halfway there.  And never regret anything, because every little detail of your life, including your mistakes, is what made you who you are today.

     

    • It’s okay.  You will be okay. – Take all the time you need to heal emotionally.  Moving on doesn’t take a day; it takes lots of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self.  Never let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life.  Just because today is painful doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t be great.  You just got to get there.  The best things usually happen when you least expect it.  So try to smile in the meantime.  Not because life has been easy, perfect, or exactly as you had anticipated, but because you choose to be happy and grateful for all the good things you do have and all the problems you know you don’t have.                                                                                                                                                                                                                   
    • There is no success without failure. – A person who makes no mistakes is unlikely to make anything at all.  It’s better to have a life full of small failures that you learned from, rather than a lifetime filled with the regrets of never trying.                                                                                                                                                                
    • Positive thinking creates positive results. – If you don’t like something, change it.  If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.  Being hurt is something you can’t stop from happening, but bei.  Winston Churchill reminds us, “Success is moving from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.”  The mind must believe it can do something before it is capable of actually doing it.  Negative thinking creates negative results.  Positive thinking creates positive results.  Period.  Things always turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.                                                                                                                             
    • Success is always closer than it seems. – Your mistakes and failures should be your motivation, not your excuse.  Instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones.  Mistakes teach you important lessons.  Every time you make one, you’re one step closer to your goal.  The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.  Failure is not falling down; failure is staying down when you have the choice to get back up.                                     
    • You are not your mistakes. – Life didn’t come with instructions.  Accept that mistakes will happen.  You are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your tomorrow.  No matter how chaotic the past has been, the future is a clean, fresh, wide open slate.  What you do with it is up to you.  Read LOVE AND A BEAUTIFUL MIND                                            
    • Life’s best lessons are learned at unexpected times. – Many of the greatest lessons we learn in life we don’t seek on purpose.  In fact, life’s best lessons are usually learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes.  So yes, you will fail sometimes, and that’s okay.  The faster you accept this, the faster you can get on with being brilliant.                                                                                                                                   
    • Mistakes are rarely as bad as they seem. – Mistakes and setbacks are rarely as bad as they seem, and even when they are, they give us an opportunity to grow stronger.  You should never let one dark cloud cover the entire sky.  The sun is always shining on some part of your life.  Sometimes you just have to forget how you feel, remember what you deserve, and keep pushing forward.                                                
    • Not getting what you want can be a blessing. – Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of good luck, because it forces you to reevaluate things, opening new doors to opportunities and information you would have otherwise overlooked.  Remember, some things in life fall apart so that better things can fall together.                                                                                                                                      
    • You have the capacity to create your own happiness. – You can hold onto past mistakes or you can create your own happiness going forward.  A smile is a choice, not a miracle.  Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy.  True happiness comes from within.  Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.                                                                                                                                                           
    • Mistakes are simply a form of practice. – Every great artist was once an amateur.  The sooner you get comfortable with practicing and making mistakes, the quicker you’ll learn the skills and knowledge necessary to master your art.  You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  So get out there and try again.  Either you succeed or you learn a vital lesson.  Win – Win.  Read The Magic of Thinking Big.                                                                                                   
    • You are making progress. – If you brush yourself off and keep pressing forward, you will learn something and you will earn another chance to get it right.  Remember, no matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.  Don’t waste your time being upset about something you can’t change.  Start over right now, implement the lessons you have learned from your mistakes, and do it better this time.                                                                                                         
    • Life goes on. – Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later this collection of mistakes, called experience, leads us to success.  If it’s good, it’s going to be wonderful.  If it’s bad, it’s going to be an experience.  Your mindset is at the heart of your success.  You have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you have and be thankful for what you had.  Forgive yourself and others, but don’t forget.  Learn from your mistakes, but don’t regret.  Life is change, things go wrong, and life goes on.

     

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  • Success breeds resentment and jealousy. Another side of success that is not talked about

    Success breeds resentment and jealousy. Another side of success that is not talked about

    As you rise in life and elevate your game, it's important to remember that no matter how well-intentioned, helpful or pleasant you are that there are some people who won't want to see you shine. In fact they are hoping to see you fall. So much so that they will try to dismiss you, diminish your achievements, pretend they don't see you rising, assassinate your character, discredit you, talk about you behind your back, use innuendos and sarcasm to try to get at you or attempt to eat from your plate without putting in the work to make the meal.

    A jealous person won't come out and tell you that they are jealous of you, nor will they admit it to anyone else. Why? Their pride and ego won't allow it. Instead their jealousy will show up in the form of resentment, constant criticism, open hostility, imitation, gossiping, playing down your accomplishments, an insatiable need to try and one-up you, not inviting you to certain events for fear that you will outshine them, not wanting you to come around their other friends for fear that their friends may actually see that you are a stand up kind of person and want to become your friend too, waiting on the sidelines wishing for your demise and last but not least...kicking you when you fall.

    Jealousy comes in many forms. Sometimes a person will be jealous of your success or accomplishments, your persistence in pursuing your dreams, your charisma, your happiness and peace of mind, your faith walk, your strength, looks, resources, business savvy, your influence, your marriage, your family relationships, network of people you know or your ability to bounce back from adversity. And jealous people can exist everywhere at work, in church, within your family, with your friends and even within your online social networks….YES faceboooook. See the thing is, when you have a deeper sense of self-esteem, resilience and purpose, it can intimidate others and cause them to resent you, often without even knowing why. Be that as it may, you cannot allow other people's issues with you to cause you to play your life small.

    Jealousy is like a parasite. Once you allow it into your space it literally sucks the life right out of you. This is why it is key that the moment you encounter jealousy you cut it off at the head. Don't give jealous people any room in your life to impact you, any space in your head to discourage you or any power to rob you of your peace, purpose or destiny. Simply hold your head up high and continue to do you.

    Whether you are dealing with a person who is ignorant, insecure, malicious or miserable, the best thing that you can do when a jealous person comes your way is to put as much distance as possible between you and that person. You cannot afford to allow jealous people to block your blessings and rain on your parade. Success comes at a price…Success can also keep you isolated. Don’t worry it is normal. I am dealing with that right now. Anyway you are amazing. Being amazing comes with haters.

     

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  • How to Raise Smarter, Happier Children

    Children have never been perfect at listening to their parents, but they have never failed to imitate them.

     

    1.  Walk the talk — always set a great example.

    It’s not what you say, it’s how you live your life every day.  Don’t tell your children how to live; LIVE and let them watch you.  Practice what you preach or don’t preach at all.  Walk the talk.  Your children look up to you and they will emulate your actions and strive to become who you are.

    So BE who you want them to be.

    In other words, be the change you want to see in your child.  Give what you expect, reflect what you desire, become what you respect, and mirror what you admire.  Every single day.

    Your children are the greatest gift life will give you, and their souls the heaviest responsibility it will place in your hands.  Take time with them, and teach them to have faith in themselves by being a person they can have faith in ..... a person they can trust without question.  When you are old, nothing else you’ve done will have mattered as much.

    2.  Reduce YOUR stress level in the household.

    Not easy, I know, but believe it or not what children want from their parents more than anything else is for them to be happier and less stressed.

    3.  Believe in your children.

    The greatest compliment you can give to a child is to believe in them and let them know you care.  When you see something true, good and beautiful in them, don’t hesitate to express your admiration.  When you see something that is not true, good and beautiful in them, don’t neglect to give them your wholehearted assistance and guidance.

    The simple act of believing that your child is capable and worthy makes a big difference.  It gives them confidence and makes them feel qualified to do great things.

    4.  Praise your children for their effort, not their intelligence.

    Based on the point above, this might sound a bit counter intuitive, but when you praise a child’s efforts you are bringing attention to something they can easily control — the amount of effort they put in.  This is immensely important because it teaches them to persist, and that personal growth through hard work is possible.  They come to see themselves as “in control” of their success in life.

    Emphasizing God-given intelligence takes progress out of your child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure.  In turn, your child may begin to think that innate intelligence is always going to be a missing ingredient for them, and disregard the importance of their effort to learn and grow. With that said, a word to the wise: Don’t over-praise your children for no reason.  Make sure your gestures of praise are warranted.  Because if every single move your child makes is based only on rewards like constant praise, when the praise stops, the effort stops too.  And that’s not good because it means they won’t be able to perform well when you’re not around.

    5.  Don’t read TO your children, read WITH them.

    Got a youngster who’s learning to read?  Don’t let them just stare at the pictures in a book while you do all the work by reading every word to them.  Instead, call attention to the words.  Point to them.  Point to the pictures that illustrate them.

    Read WITH them, not to them.

    Research shows this tactic helps build a child’s reading comprehension.  When shared book reading is enriched with explicit attention to the development of a child’s reading skills, it truly becomes an effective vehicle for promoting early literacy.  Perhaps even more importantly than that, it makes learning more fun.  And as you know, fun times are happy times in a child’s mind.

    6.  Eat dinner together as a family.

    Eating dinner together makes a difference. Research suggests that children who enjoy family meals have larger vocabularies, better manners, healthier diets, and higher self-esteem in the long run.  Even if eating dinner together every night isn’t possible, you should make it a point to eat together as a family at least once a week.

    Even if eating dinner together every night isn’t possible, you should make it a point to eat together as a family at least once a week.

    7.  Create logical, reasonable rules and boundaries for your children.

    Children don’t do well in a free-for-all environment.  It’s a myth that being too strict guarantees rebellion and being permissive drives better behavior.  From the research we’ve done, it’s clear that children who go crazy and get in trouble mostly have parents who don’t set reasonable rules and boundaries.  If their parents are loving and accepting no matter what they do — even when they are unruly — children take their parent’s lack of rules as a sign that they don’t really care about them — that they don’t really want the job of being parents in the first place.

    On the flip side, parents who are consistent in enforcing rules and boundaries are often the same parents who become the closest with their children. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should over-do the rules, or make rules just for the sake of making rules.  Parents that are too controlling raise children that are stifled and bored.  And stifled, bored kids are likely to rebel.

     

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  • Seattle police officers shot pregnant woman seven times and one of the bullets struck her unborn baby boy, autopsy reveals

    Seattle police officers shot pregnant woman seven times and one of the bullets struck her unborn baby boy, autopsy reveals

    The father of a pregnant woman who was shot dead by police officers after she called to report a robbery in June has released her autopsy report. 

    Charleena Lyles was nearly four months pregnant on June 18 when she called police to report an Xbox stolen at her Seattle apartment.

    It's still unclear how the confrontation unfolded, but in less than three minutes, the two officers opened fire on the 30-year-old  in front of three of her four children.

     

    The officers, Jason Anderson and Steven McNew, said that they started shooting at Lyles when she lunged at them holding knives.   

    The autopsy report, released Wednesday, shows that Lyles was shot seven times, including twice in the back. 

    One of the bullets perforated her uterus, striking her unborn baby boy. Both mother and son died at the hospital. The unborn baby boy would have been Lyles' fifth child. 

    The report also included toxicology reports, showing that Lyles didn't have alcohol or drugs in her system at the time. 

    Her father, Charles Lyles, told The people: 'Hearing the details of the shooting just makes me feel more empty. I lost my daughter and my next grandson. I just don't have the words.' 

    The fact that she was shot in the back leads family members to question the officers' side of the story. 

    'Did they shoot her as she fell to the ground? Was she running away?' cousin Katrina Johnson asked. 'How did she get shot in the back? I still don't know that and understand that, but any which way, it was excessive force. Seven times for her little pregnant 100-pound self was out of control.'

    Koehler said that they decided to release the autopsy report to dispel the public assumptions about the case.

    'If you have been reading the dialogue you might have assumed she was a poor, single black woman with multiple children who must have been on drugs, and that is a false assumption and a false narrative,' Koehler told the people.

    Jason Anderson (right) and Steven McNew (left) are the two officers who shot Lyles dead. They are on paid administrative leave pending the results of an internal investigation 

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