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  • 30 questions about money you should ask your partner

    30 questions about money you should ask your partner.

    Disagreements over money are usually cited as one of the top three reasons most couples divorce (communication and sex are the other two). I couldn’t think of many things potentially more frustrating than if my partner kept putting us into debt when I desired to live modestly and have an early retirement. How each of you view money will be a very, very important part of your relationship. For some people spending money is an addiction or compulsion.

    1. Have you ever saved for a major expense or purchase or have you always put it on credit?
    2. Do you get stressed out when finances are really tight? 
    3. If I thought we needed help keeping our finances under control and suggested a “debt counselor” would you go with me?
    4. What is the minimum amount you think you could spend on a wedding and be happy with it?
    5. If you were single and quite wealthy, how would you weed out the "gold diggers"?
    6. How much debt do you think a couple should shoulder themselves with the first year or two of marriage given that financial problems early in a marriage is one of the leading causes of divorce? 
    7. Do you think you could function without a credit card? Have you ever tried?
    8. What do you put on your credit cards? 
    9. Do you think our family has the right to know your financial affairs (whether you are rich or deep in debt)? What would you tell them if they asked how much money you and your spouse make or how much money you have in the bank? 
    10. Do you have the self-control to only spend each month what you can pay off? Or do you always carry balances on your credit cards? 
    11. Do you think we should keep our money in joint or individual accounts? Why? 
    12. How do we decide how to spend our money? Do we have free reign to spend whatever we want as long as it is "my money" or is there an amount (£100, £500, £5,000) at which we need to discuss before making a purchase? 
    13. Do you think it is wise to lend significant amounts of money to boyfriends/girlfriends? Could it cloud the relationship? 
    14. Do you think you have ever been "used" for money? 
    15. Do you often feel that your partner doesn't respect your hard earned income by the way they spend it? 
    16. Which of us has the best skills at paying the bills and keeping track of our expenses? Which of us has the best skills for investing our money?
    17. Do you tend to buy luxury items or are you frugal with your money? 
    18. Look in your wallet. How many credit cards do you have? Do you need that many?
    19. Would you rather live modestly and retire modestly at 50 or would you rather live more extravagantly and retire modestly at 65? 
    20. Have you ever gotten a second job to help pay for your nonessential purchases? 
    21. Do you currently have a will? If not, why? 
    22. If you got into financial difficulties, what would you try to do to get out of it? 
    23. If you were married and inherited £200,000, how would you decide what to do with the money? Would your spouse have any input? What would you want to do if your spouse inherited the money? 
    24. Do you think your partner mismanages their money? 
    25. How much do you owe on all your credit cards? All other loans? 
    26. If you married someone who had a lot of debt and bills, how would you feel about helping your mate pay them off? 
    27. Have you ever filed for bankruptcy? 
    28. Have you ever made a loan to someone of a large sum of money? Would you do it again? 
    29. Have you ever dated someone just because they had (or you thought they had) money? 
    30. Do you think life insurance is a wise "investment"?
    31. What do you think would be fair terms in the agreement? When men and women are dating, who do you think should pay for the date? Whoever arranged the date? Whoever make. 

     

     

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  • Infidelity, Mirco Cheating...

    Infidelity

    Sexual infidelity is widely regarded as one of the most dishonorable assaults against the sanctity of an intimate relationship.  Yet, we all seem to be mesmerized by it.  Infidelity makes a love story more intense, a song or poem more passionately tragic, and forms the foundation for which the immensely popular celebrity gossip industry firmly holds the attention of millions worldwide.  If infidelity is so appalling, then why are we all so consumed with the notions of the act?

    At some point in time everyone involved in an exclusive relationship experiences a momentary thought of infidelity.  It’s the flirtatious glimmer in your eye that indicates a brief superficial curiosity for someone of the opposite sex, the simple act of wondering.  For that split second your values misalign, placing shallow emotion ahead of your true moral character.  This momentary shift is a direct reflection of your instinctual emotion splitting away from your moral values.  When your sound moral values and your fickle emotion are disconnected, your mind is divided and thus your judgment is muddled.  Most people’s acts of infidelity are innocent, left hanging to expire in brief, insignificant moments of thought.

    It is the strength of our character that realigns this momentary disconnect and prevents innocent thought from transgressing into an act of infidelity.  Reliability, honesty, and trustworthiness can be directly measured by one’s strength of character.  When the act of infidelity occurs, it has nothing to do with love; it is solely related to the shameful weakness of one’s character… weakness that is driven by senseless emotion.

    People whom have never actually taken part in the act of infidelity would probably also deny the allegation of ever experiencing a momentary thought of infidelity.  This can be attributed to the fact that the thought never actually enters the conscious mind, but instead lingers in our subconscious.  The thought process is a natural instinct, and although we may be oblivious to it, our minds are instinctually aware of it.  It’s the combination of this subconscious awareness and our general human curiosity that will continue to foster the mass market interest and popularity of infidelity.

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  • Every failure carries with it the seed of an equal or greater success.

    Every failure carries with it the seed of an equal or greater success.

    Have you ever seen a child learn to ride a bike, or a baby learn to walk? They stumble and fall numerous times before getting it right.  Mistakes are learning opportunities.  It takes failure after failure to create success.  Believe you can and you are halfway there.  And never regret anything, because every little detail of your life, including your mistakes, is what made you who you are today.

     

    • It’s okay.  You will be okay. – Take all the time you need to heal emotionally.  Moving on doesn’t take a day; it takes lots of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self.  Never let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life.  Just because today is painful doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t be great.  You just got to get there.  The best things usually happen when you least expect it.  So try to smile in the meantime.  Not because life has been easy, perfect, or exactly as you had anticipated, but because you choose to be happy and grateful for all the good things you do have and all the problems you know you don’t have.                                                                                                                                                                                                                   
    • There is no success without failure. – A person who makes no mistakes is unlikely to make anything at all.  It’s better to have a life full of small failures that you learned from, rather than a lifetime filled with the regrets of never trying.                                                                                                                                                                
    • Positive thinking creates positive results. – If you don’t like something, change it.  If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.  Being hurt is something you can’t stop from happening, but bei.  Winston Churchill reminds us, “Success is moving from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.”  The mind must believe it can do something before it is capable of actually doing it.  Negative thinking creates negative results.  Positive thinking creates positive results.  Period.  Things always turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.                                                                                                                             
    • Success is always closer than it seems. – Your mistakes and failures should be your motivation, not your excuse.  Instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones.  Mistakes teach you important lessons.  Every time you make one, you’re one step closer to your goal.  The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.  Failure is not falling down; failure is staying down when you have the choice to get back up.                                     
    • You are not your mistakes. – Life didn’t come with instructions.  Accept that mistakes will happen.  You are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your tomorrow.  No matter how chaotic the past has been, the future is a clean, fresh, wide open slate.  What you do with it is up to you.  Read LOVE AND A BEAUTIFUL MIND                                            
    • Life’s best lessons are learned at unexpected times. – Many of the greatest lessons we learn in life we don’t seek on purpose.  In fact, life’s best lessons are usually learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes.  So yes, you will fail sometimes, and that’s okay.  The faster you accept this, the faster you can get on with being brilliant.                                                                                                                                   
    • Mistakes are rarely as bad as they seem. – Mistakes and setbacks are rarely as bad as they seem, and even when they are, they give us an opportunity to grow stronger.  You should never let one dark cloud cover the entire sky.  The sun is always shining on some part of your life.  Sometimes you just have to forget how you feel, remember what you deserve, and keep pushing forward.                                                
    • Not getting what you want can be a blessing. – Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of good luck, because it forces you to reevaluate things, opening new doors to opportunities and information you would have otherwise overlooked.  Remember, some things in life fall apart so that better things can fall together.                                                                                                                                      
    • You have the capacity to create your own happiness. – You can hold onto past mistakes or you can create your own happiness going forward.  A smile is a choice, not a miracle.  Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy.  True happiness comes from within.  Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.                                                                                                                                                           
    • Mistakes are simply a form of practice. – Every great artist was once an amateur.  The sooner you get comfortable with practicing and making mistakes, the quicker you’ll learn the skills and knowledge necessary to master your art.  You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  So get out there and try again.  Either you succeed or you learn a vital lesson.  Win – Win.  Read The Magic of Thinking Big.                                                                                                   
    • You are making progress. – If you brush yourself off and keep pressing forward, you will learn something and you will earn another chance to get it right.  Remember, no matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.  Don’t waste your time being upset about something you can’t change.  Start over right now, implement the lessons you have learned from your mistakes, and do it better this time.                                                                                                         
    • Life goes on. – Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later this collection of mistakes, called experience, leads us to success.  If it’s good, it’s going to be wonderful.  If it’s bad, it’s going to be an experience.  Your mindset is at the heart of your success.  You have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you have and be thankful for what you had.  Forgive yourself and others, but don’t forget.  Learn from your mistakes, but don’t regret.  Life is change, things go wrong, and life goes on.

     

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  • When someone you love passes away.....Encouragement

    My good friend passed away on the 4th Sept 2017 after a long battle with bowel cancer. He was only 38 years old and the most amazing man and father.

    Lately I have been struggling with the reality of what the cancer did to him. As he was so young his heart was strong, which meant that his body carried on for at least 1 year longer then normal. But in doing so it meant that we watched as the rest of his body wasted away to nothing - literally. I just want to encourage you. 

    1.  You are made to survive the hardest days of your life

    You are born with the ability to change your life no matter how much loss, sadness and difficulty you are experiencing.  You are born ready even though you don’t feel ready.  You are literally hardwired to reinvent yourself and overcome.  You don’t even have to learn to do it, you already know how.  You just need to focus your energy gradually and accordingly.  Grieve with each small step forward, one at a time, one day after the next.

    This is your journey and you can write the map to where you are going.  Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t, that you should just sit around and “wait” longer… that there is no way out right now.  There is a way!  And you are standing right in front of it.

    Your life is your creation.  When you start to know this.....to truly know this.....then you can be more in control of your life and what happens within it from moment to moment.

    2.  You are the primary creator of your life experience

    In a very real sense, your life is created one day at a time by you and the people you choose to have around you.  This is crucial to know.  You are the creator of yourself and your destiny in each moment.  In a very real sense, what you choose to experience, and who you choose to share each experience with, influences your ultimate creation.

    In other words, you create your life by choosing the kind of story you want to tell every day.  You create it by the way you respond to difficult and painful circumstances.  By the way you see the world and by the people you choose to keep in your life.

    3.  Death is not the end

    Death is not death.  When someone you love dies, it just means they exist in another way....in another dimension that is non-local, non-geographical, non-physical looking.  You have access to that dimension.  Every day.  Every moment.  You don’t have to wait for them to contact you.  You can be the one connecting with them.  And they want to connect with you, too.

    4.  Empty space is as full and real as you are

    When you study quantum physics long enough you learn that your body, the table in front of you, the computer, the phone, the trees, the solid-looking things in your life are not really solid.  They just appear solid and firm.  The truth is that the nothingness of the space between your table and chairs, is the same as the table and chairs.  Nothing and not nothing is one and the same.  The empty space next to you, is made the way you are made.

    One of the reasons this is important to understand is simply that the empty space you perceive around you is not really empty at all—it contains far more than what meets the eye, including the loved ones you’ve lost.  They are still here but you can’t see them with your physical sense of sight.  Your eyes can’t see all the light that exists in a different dimension.  Your ears can’t hear all the sounds that exist there either.  The people we think we’ve lost are right here inside all the space around us.  We really aren’t alone when we are alone.

    This has been one of the biggest discoveries I made. Those loved ones you’ve lost want you to say hi....they want you to talk to them.  I know this can come across as peculiar.... I am fully aware of that.  But through my research and practice I have learned that death is just a word we use to describe the end of someone’s physical life.  Not the absolute end of them.

    5.  Nothing is impossible

    There truly is a deeper reality, a deeper level of life that we can’t see from here, and it is where miracles originate from.  Where healing takes place.  Where everything gets created in the space around us.  And this deeper, more hidden reality is in many ways more real than the one we perceive with our (flawed) physical senses.  And you can bring everything you want from there to here.  This only seems impossible to you right now.  But it isn’t.  NOTHING is impossible!

    Not believing this...not knowing this....is like trying to drive a car at night without the lights on.  There are always impossible obstacles and objects in front of us and around us that we can’t immediately see, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there, or that they can’t affect us.  Please don’t forget it.  You are the driver of this experience you call life, and you now know what you need to work on, to turn the lights back on.

    You Impossibly Survived the Unthinkable

    In the end, one thing I know for sure is that life after loss can be the most extraordinary chapter of your life.

    Because those of us who have lost someone we love now want the answers to the bigger questions we never even thought to ask before loss.  The routine of the everyday life is not the same, and it surely isn’t enough.  The basic answers to what life is about no longer seem to fit.  We want more, we are the leaders, seekers and makers of the impossible future.  Because of our deep grief, our forced access to higher levels of grit, and above all our close proximity to death through the loss of our loved ones, we have an evolutionary advantage.  Know this.  Let it sink in.  Nothing is ever the same after such tragedies.  It’s time to live your life in ways you never dreamed were possible!  The world is waiting for people like you to show them the way.

     

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  • H.A.T.E.R.S = HAVING. ANGER. TOWARDS. EVERYONE. REACHING. SUCCESS.

    1. First and foremost, you are not obligated to live up to everyone’s expectations. – Life is under no obligation to give us what we expect. And you are under no obligation to give others what they expect. Period. Do things because you care. Do things because you know it’s right. Don’t just do things because everyone else expects you to.
    2. Expectations just get in the way of great life experiences. – Don’t let expectations (especially other people’s expectations) get in your way. Truth be told, the unexpected is often better than the expected. Our entire lives can be described in one sentence: It didn’t go as planned, and that’s OK.
    3. You don’t need others to hold your hand every step of the way.– Be willing to go alone sometimes. You don’t need permission to grow. Not everyone who started with you will finish with you. And that’s OK. 
    4. You get to learn from your mistakes without unnecessary third-party pressure. – You’re going to mess up sometimes. But the good news is, as long as you’re listening to your intuition, you get to decide how you’re going to mess up. Which means you get to decide how you’re going to live and what you’re going to learn along the way.
    5. No one knows you better than you know yourself. – How you seem to others and how you actually are, rarely match. Even if they get the basic gist of who you are, they’re still missing a big piece of the puzzle. What other people think of you will rarely contain the whole truth, which is fine. So if someone forms an opinion of you based on superficialities, then it’s up to them, not you, to reform those opinions. Leave it to them to worry about. You know who you are and what’s best for you.
    6. Only YOU can define what’s possible for you and your life. – Some people will kill you over time if you let them; and how they’ll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases like, “Be realistic.” When this happens, close your ears and listen to your inner voice instead. Remember that real success in life isn’t what others see, but how you feel. It’s living your truth and doing what makes you feel alive.
    7. In the end, happiness is simply living your life your own way.– There comes a time when your back is up against the wall and you realize all you can do is say, “Screw it, I’m doing things my way!” That’s the earth-shattering moment you stop planning for someone else’s expectations, and start making progress on what’s truly important to YOU. That’s when you begin to live life according to your own morals and values. That’s when you can finally be at your happiest.
    8. You can best serve yourself and others by giving yourself what YOU need. – Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive, and pursue it at all costs. That’s what this world needs – people like YOU who come alive. Which means your needs matter; so don’t ignore them. Sometimes you have to do what’s best for you and your life, not just what seems best on the surface for everyone else.
    9. You need to allow yourself the freedom to speak your truth. – Yes, speak your truth even if your voice shakes. Be cordial and reasonable, of course, but don’t tread carefully on every word you say. Push your concerns of what others might think aside. Let the consequences of doing so unravel naturally. What you’ll find is that most of the time no one will be offended or irritated at all. And if they do get upset, it’s likely only because you’ve started behaving in a way that makes them feel they have less power over you. Think about it. Why lie?
    10. The wrong people should not be able to tamper with your standards. – Remember, failed relationships aren’t designed to encourage you to lower your standards, but to raise them and keep them up. So while you’re out there making decisions instead of excuses, learning new things, and getting closer and closer to your goals, know that there are others out there, like me, who admire your efforts and are striving for greatness too. Bottom line: Don’t let the wrong people bring you down.
    11. The haters can have less of an effect on you. – Don’t worry about the haters, ever. Don’t let them get to you. They’re just upset because the truth you know contradicts the lies they live. Period.
    12. Your individuality can be openly celebrated and enjoyed. – Constantly seeking approval means you’re perpetually worried that others are forming negative judgments of you. This steals the fun, ingenuity, and spontaneity from your life. Flip the switch on this habit. If you’re lucky enough to have something that makes you different from everybody else, don’t be ashamed and don’t change. Uniqueness is priceless. In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, find the courage to keep being your remarkable self. It takes a lot of courage to stand alone, but it’s worth it. Being unapologetically YOU is worth it!
    13. There can very easily be less drama to deal with on a daily basis. – Forgo the drama. Ignore the negativity around you. Just be sincere and kind, and promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.
    14. Great relationships are not governed by one-sided expectations. – When it comes to your relationships, don’t keep everything you need to say to yourself. Let it out. Express your point of view. Communication is not just an important part of a relationship, communication is the relationship. Communicate even when it’s uncomfortable and uneasy. One of the best ways to heal and grow a relationship is simply getting everything on the inside out in the open. Compromise. That’s how good people make great things happen together.
    15. You can be YOUR best, without competing with everyone else.– When you are happy to simply do your best and not compare or compete, everyone worth your while will respect you. Here’s some healthy food for thought: Always… Be strong, but not rude. Be kind, but not weak. Be humble, but not timid. Be proud, but not arrogant. Be bold, but not a bully.
    16. You are not obligated to anyone more so than you are to yourself. – Your relationship with yourself is the closest and most important relationship you will ever have. So don’t forget about YOU out there, and don’t be too hard on yourself either. There are plenty of others willing to do both for you. And remember, if you don’t take good care of yourself, then you can’t take good care of others either; which is why taking care of yourself is the best selfish thing you can do.

     

     

     

     

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